babies were throwing up all over the place
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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