No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
