I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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