i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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