A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
