somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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