Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
