my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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