you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She just used a chaser for red wine.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize