And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize