My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
