You smell like stripper and shame
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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