So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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