Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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