the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
