Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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