dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
