she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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