Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
