but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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