my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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