life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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