A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
