this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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