I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
