I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
