chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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