hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
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you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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