Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
