I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
