Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
