I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
