She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
