So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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