If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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