I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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