I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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