p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
