i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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