any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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