she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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