im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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