i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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