Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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