I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
