i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
