I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
