do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
