oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
