I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
