turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
They are going to name an STD after you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
