matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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