the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
