Umm I'm too high to move.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize