and i looked up. we had an audience...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
