Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
