can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
