I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
