So drunk its hurt
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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