Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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