I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The ass gains better be worth it
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