How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
