Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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