She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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